You blamed yourself
Your sweet, soft
Essence
For your suffering
Rather than those who mishandled you
So you banished it
Deep within defensive shadows
Locked behind a fear-proof door
Unknowingly
Caging currents of your
Lifeforce
Settling you into sticky
Half-truths and
Deluded satisficing but
I knew you before the disunion
So when you pulled me close
I recognized your radiance
Reaching to me through the cracks
Longing to be released
And held
In my sweet, soft
Safety
Delicate pink blossoms float
With creek bubbles
Passing beneath a stone arch bridge
Like fairies
Grazing between willow’s soft fingers
Lily pads and lotus flowers catch them downstream
I sit on the grass amongst thousands of petals
Holding open a book I’m meaning to read
Words on the page call to me gently
But all I can think of
Is you
You belong to untamed rivers,
Rippling from mountains
Out to the sea.
I belong to the one who flows with them,
Free yet connected,
His heart beats with me.
Seeking my bear
I found cobalt dragonflies
Lounging on blades of grass;
Water gleaming, cradling boulders;
Knotted roots anchoring pines.
Two osprey circled the mountain air.
They crisscrossed,
And I felt you
Standing next to me
As if we would hold a secret
Of a dive into the alpine lake,
Returning to the sky with a fish.
Then, we would catch a kiss and a bear hug
Beside the shore.
You are beyond words
Beyond definition
Known by a thousand names
You are
The unnamable one
How am I charmed
To feel our connection
Speak to you through my center
My guides
Your responses evade
My comprehension
I do not always hear
Or accept
Your soft, still voice
But please,
Speak to me
In a way I can understand
Sprinkle my dreams with your visions
Help me move beyond words
Beliefs
Keeping me in cycles
Separate from your touch
I have arrived —
With you gazing at me
The way you do —
To a place of absolute peace
Absolute freedom
Knowing that
All the pieces of my past
That hurt, that healed,
That sent me in roundabout directions,
Make perfect sense
Because every moment existed
For me to arrive and experience
This look upon your face
Pouring through my window
Casting rainbows across my room
Plants have long awakened
Petals expanding into bloom
In the brightness and warmth
Colors dance across my face
Memories of steps with you
Our arms linked perfectly in place
With feet kissing the earth
A rhythm for our hearts to follow
Moving us deeper into our embrace
Erasing all doubts and sorrow
What will I do
With these affirmations of endearment
I wrote for you
If you won’t accept them?
Maybe I’ll stitch them up
Like a handmade quilt
Or use them
As a double umbrella
With room for another
Heart to hold
Covered in thick metallic plates
A shield against feeling
Anything —
Not even the persistent howl
For agency
For desires you decided had to die —
Knowing that cry within myself
I sensed it
Or maybe I saw it in an amulet
When I brought you to natural, warm waters
Sheltered between lilacs and willows
We submerged our bodies in the crystal reverie
And I called that voice forward
Breathing life into dormant dreams
Now,
Will you put down your arms
And listen to him sing?
All the times I drift away
Carried by the waters of my mind
To the ballad of our kinship
The felt-sense of your comfort
Guiding me away from —
The reality
That I cannot stretch far enough
To graze your face with my palms —
So I return here
I return and return
To my affection turning and tuning
Expanding beyond the boundaries
Of your absence
glamsient.me 